On that day, April 10th 2008

Hi everyone! I  am  really  sorry  that  I  haven’t  been  able  to  post  for  so long! I  have  been  busy  with  school  and I  am  tired  most  of  the  time. Most  times  i plan to write  but I  don’t  have  the  strength  or time. Please  pray for  me!!! Also, Happy  Easter! I  can’t  believe  I haven’t  been able  to  say Happy  Easter earlier.  We thank God  for  sending  his  Son, Jesus Christ to die for  our sins and  as we celebrate  Easter, may we all be renewed  in the  assurance  of his  love  and  mercy. Amen.

I  really   had to  post  today because  it  is  the anniversary  of  my maternal grandmother ‘s death. Mrs Christina Kehinde Palmer. She passed  away  on  April  10th  2008. I  really  cannot  start speaking  about  how  amazing  my grandmother  was. She was  someone  who  had gone  through  a lot  of  suffering  from  a  young  age but  she survived, praise  God.Most  of  all, her life  was a living  gospel.  My grandmother  loved God and all people. Even when  she was old herself,  she wanted  to  help  out at an old people’s  home. P.S She was a nurse. Yay nurses!  My grandmother has always  been an inspiration to  me and through the  prayerbook that  she gave  me , I learned about  St Rita,  St Jude and  of course  St Anthony  who were my favourite  childhood  saints. For  this  and  so many other  things  that  she did (buying  us soo many  gifts,  buying Harry  Potter  because  ‘every  teenager in London  had it’ so she bought  one and sent  a copy  to  her teenage  grandchildren  in Nigeria lol!,  convincing  my parents  to bring us to  London, coming  to Nigeria  to   take  care of  me after  my operation, filling  our  lives with  so much joy, drama  and  great  memories ) I will always be  thankful  for  her.

I  was in Louisville(boarding  school ) at that time because  we were  preparing  for our   Junior  Secondary  school  examination. Honestly  speaking,  i never  expected  that  she  was  going  to  die. She was the strongest  person  i knew. Exactly  10 years  before,  she  had a  life threatening  illness,  everyone  thought  she  would  die but she  didn’t. When  she  fell  ill in 2008, I  was sure without  a  tinge of doubt  that  she  would be  back on her  feet  in no time. Before  I  went to  school,  my grandmother  wasn’t  feeling  well  and  my  mum had to  go  to  see her. I  thought  she just  wanted  to  be  with  her; I had  no idea  that  she was  going to  stay with  her  on her deathbed (My grandmother and  my mum’s  siblings  lived  in  London  and  my mum  lived in Nigeria ). Looking  back,  I guess  everyone  except  me knew the gravity  of  my grandmother ‘s illness or  maybe  i was  just  too naive. It  was  one of  the  two  times  i remember  my mother  crying,  when her mum  was ill and  when I  had  my operation.  After  my operation,  i either  overslept  or the anaesthetic  dosage  was too much. I  remember faintly  waking up and  seeing my  mum  crying because I  was  taking too long to wake up  so she was scared. The day  i saw my  mum  crying  about  her mum’s  illness, I  remember  saying  something  like  don’t  worry, she’ll be  fine in no  time, have  some  faith. I  wasn’t just  saying it  to cheer my mum  up, i was saying  it because  I  believed  it.  I  didn’t  understand  why  they all  couldn’t  see that  she’d be  fine.

When  I  got  to  school, i kept  praying  for  my grandmother  to feel  better soon, i don’t  even  know  how  many  novenas that  I  did. I  was 100% sure that  when my  sisters  joined  me in school  the  following  week, i would  hear good  news. However,  things  didn’t  turn  out  the  way  i wanted  them to. I will  never  forget that  day that my  sisters resumed  school  and  I  met my  parents. My class  was having a  maths workshop  and  I  got called out to  meet my  parents  outside. My joy knew no bounds, had  i known  the news that  i was about to  receive, I  would  probably  not have  gone out with  so much  happiness.  I  don’t  remember  if my mum  was back , who  exactly  told  me  or my exact   reaction  but I  remember  thinking   they were trying to mess with me. There was no way my  grandmother  could  have  passed  away  without  any goodbyes. Unfortunately, I  was wrong.  My grandmother  while she was alive went back  and  forth between Nigeria  and  London. She had made a  request  that she  didn’t  want  her corpse  to be flown  around  so she should be  buried  in  whatever  country that  she passed away. Hence, my  parents  were going to  London  for the  burial  and  there  was  going to  be  a  memorial  service  in Nigeria  for  those  who  couldn’t  go to  London  for  her burial,  including  her  twin  sister. Due to  the  fact  that  we were  in  school,  my sisters  and  I  couldn’t  make it  to any of her burial  services.

The  next  few days after  hearing  about  my grandmother ‘s death   were very  painful  and  hard  for  me.  I  struggled  with  my faith, i couldn’t  comprehend  what  had happened  and  I  was really  worried  about  my upcoming national   exams. Honestly, I  think  this  was the  very  first  time  that my prayers  weren’t  answered  and I  couldn’t  see why. I  had experienced  setbacks prior to  this but I  could  always  trace those  back to  something  that I  did wrong or something  that  I  was supposed to  do  but did not. Other times, it was because  something  better  was coming  along. However this time was different. I  could not  fathom  what  went wrong  or  why my  grandmother  had to  die. I  was heartbroken and  devastated .  It was  at this time  of  my  life  that God  revealed  himself  to me  through  my  friends. I  will  never  forget  how  they all tried  so hard  to  cheer me  up despite  the  fact  that  they  had their  own  problems  and  worries. To all my Louisville  sisters  who were there for  me. I  will  never  be  able  to  repay all the  love,  compassion  and  kindness  that you  showed  me  during  those  dark days  ❤

Praise  God  that  our  exams  turned out  well  at the  end and a few months  later, I  went  to  wavecrest where I  experienced  a conversion  at the weekend  retreat.  I  also  found  more  sisters  that I  can  always  count  on, especially  my twinnn A ❤

I  think one  regret that  I  have  regarding  my grandmother  is something that  happened  when  I  was  really really  small. I  just  got a  new  pink rosary and  my grandmother  commented on  how much  she loved it. My parents  suggested that I  gave it to  my grandmother but I  honestly  didn’t  want  to. I  didn’t  show  my displeasure  to anyone  but deep  inside  i was really sad to let go of my favorite rosary and I kept thinking about it for a long time. It turns out that  my grandmother  did  love that rosary; Actually  till she  passed on, she kept  that rosary  dear to her. This  made me  feel  so  guilty  about  not wanting to  give her the  rosary. I  wish that  I  had been more generous and  loving  and  less selfish.I try to be love more in my current relationships.

Baptism is a Sacrament which cleanses us from original sin, makes us Christians, children of God, and members of the Church – Penny Catechism

Through baptism, we are all made children of God and nothing can break that bond not even death. Death cannot separate us grandma, we shall meet again someday in heaven.

May  the souls of my grandmothers, Mrs Christina Kehinde Palmer and  Mrs Joanna Adebisi Okunubi and the  souls of all the  faithful  departed through the  mercy of  God rest in peace Amen.

Peace, love and  joy,

Fehintola

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